On Horseradish day of Frosty Month of the French Republican calendar, I present to you the following: all wasabi you have ever eaten has been horseradish dyed green. Now, all I want in life is to taste real wasabi. This place seems fairly legit, so I am going to try and grow wasabi next summer.

To celebrate fake wasabi, I have prepared horseradish two ways. The first is a simple mashed potato dish with added fresh-grated horseradish inspired by Hugh Fearnely-Whittingstall’s Meat. The second is a condiment of creamed horseradish from The New Midwestern Table by Amy Thielen.

Horseradish Mash

2 lbs potatoes

1 cup whole milk

1 stick of butter

2 tbs grated horseradish

salt and pepper to taste

I take the lazy man’s approach to mashed potatoes and peel the potatoes first and also cut them in half so they’ll cook faster. Hugh says to boil them skin-on and cook until they are just tender, then drain in a colander and let the potatoes sit in the colander with a dish towel on top so that they dry out a bit (the key to a good mash, according to Hugh). While the potatoes are cooking, in a separate pan, heat the milk, butter, horseradish, salt and pepper. When the potatoes are ready, put them through a ricer or food mill directly into the hot milk. Mix, and you’ll have some hot mashed potatoes.

Creamed Horseradish

1 cup of freshly grated horseradish

2/3 cup heavy cream

1/4 tsp fine sea salt

1 1/2 tsp sugar

2 tsp rice vinegar

Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and then pack in a clean glass jar and refrigerate.